What do you do about a coach your unhappy with?

by soccerisfun 1/25/2013, 11:03 pm

I have a question regarding coaches treatment of players. My son joined a new team this year. He is a good player...not a superstar but a solid defender. His coach clearly has favorites on his team and my son is not one of them. We went through the fall season and I kept my mouth shut and blamed it on just settling into a new team. I heard rumors that this coach had a lot of players leave last year because of his "favorites" issues but I really felt like it wasn't my place to tell him how to coach.

Tonight I was sitting in my car behind the bench and I saw the coach yelling in my sons face because he didn't call out his sub quick enough. Before I knew it...I was in the coaches face screaming. I don't know what came over me but I just couldn't watch a grown man yell so disrespectfully at a 14 year old. Don't get me wrong...this was not I am your coach do what I say yelling...it was you are dirt on my shoe yelling.

The coach and I had words after the game...where he spoke to me like I was beneath him and told me to never talk to him during a game again. Not really sure who he thinks he is but I am sure I really don't like him.

To say the least we will be leaving this team...but now I need to know is how? Do we just not play this season? Can I report him...and if so to who? I am sure the coach won't care where we go as he flat out said...if you don't like the way I am then take your son and leave. Clearly he doesn't value my son as a player or a human and frankly I don't want him influencing my son in any way.

by soccerisfun 1/25/2013, 11:54 pm

I reread this and it sounds really whiney. I want to clarify that I am not a don't yell at my kid mom at all. I understand the coach/player relationship. This coach was humiliating and berating my son. If that is just how D1 soccer is...then maybe we need to just opt out.

by British steel 1/26/2013, 12:11 am

club?

by soccerisfun 1/26/2013, 12:43 am

FC Dallas

by goal9997 1/26/2013, 4:02 am

Move him to another team of the same club/age. find New team first.

by Guest 1/26/2013, 6:34 am

i would keep in mind a couple of things. you pay this joker. would you let an employee of a company you PAY treat you and your family like this? i doubt it. second, do what's best for your kid ALWAYS, the team the club the coach will be just fine, your son only has you to watch out for him.would you let a teacher act this way to you and your son? a friend? an acquaintance? no? then why put up with it from a guy who teaches kids soccer for a living. YOU are the one paying for this. go to the doc and ask for a switch. dont pay someone to make your kid hate his sport. FIRE HIM

by OldTrafford 1/26/2013, 7:48 am

I don't know what kind of kid your son is, but I know mine would never speak to me again. How embarrassing for him. While in the middle of a game, you need to let him be the one to speak to his coach. If he continues to play club soccer, this will not be the last time your son is faced with this situation. If you want to speak to the coach, it should never be just before, just after or during a game. Call him. Your chances for a positive outcome will be increased exponentially.

by TxHunter 1/26/2013, 7:53 am

Find another team within the club that would be willing to accept your son. If they have room, go to the DOC and do a midseason team transfer.

by soccerisfun 1/26/2013, 8:29 am

I think I am going to try the mid season transfer. He is too good to quit playing club soccer over a coach.

What I reacted to was someone humiliate and hate my child. That is just unacceptable. As far as how my son felt about me yelling at the coach. When he got home he said he would rather quit than play for him anymore. He is going to high school next year and said he would just play for school only He admitted that after last season he was relieved that the weather had been bad and we had a few weeks off. My son has been taught to respect adults. Now I need to reinforce to him that does not mean they are always right and it is okay to stand up to an adult who is in the wrong. I know I did the right thing and showed my son that I will never sit by and watch someone abuse him. I am just glad it was cold and we got a spot behind our bench or I may have never seen this happen.

Did I mention we got this all on video? I was recording a clip to send to my ex husband...and that is when this happened. So he can't deny it...which he didn't even try and do when we spoke after the game.

by go99 1/26/2013, 8:54 am

just go to the DOC and tranfer to another team inside the club. You also need to look at yourself 2 adults acting poorly is not a good thing and if your son wasn't embaressed then he should have been. Just because the coach is an out of control A$%hole doesn't mean you have to become one too. Sitting behind the bench recording video yelling with coaches and proclimations of hatred at your child. Your son also needs to get thicker skin and learn to stand up and handle his own situations. So what will he do next year if his highschool coach gets in his face and yells at him? Quit? Have his mom come save him and yell at the coach and tell him its all okay and nothing is his fault? Coaches shouldn't yell at kids but they do. Some have their golden boys and it sucks. Does the coach have the best interest of making your son a better player? Maybe not and if so its time to move on.

by Guest 1/26/2013, 9:15 am

go99 wrote:just go to the DOC and tranfer to another team inside the club. You also need to look at yourself 2 adults acting poorly is not a good thing and if your son wasn't embaressed then he should have been. Just because the coach is an out of control A$%hole doesn't mean you have to become one too. Sitting behind the bench recording video yelling with coaches and proclimations of hatred at your child. Your son also needs to get thicker skin and learn to stand up and handle his own situations. So what will he do next year if his highschool coach gets in his face and yells at him? Quit? Have his mom come save him and yell at the coach and tell him its all okay and nothing is his fault? Coaches shouldn't yell at kids but they do. Some have their golden boys and it sucks. Does the coach have the best interest of making your son a better player? Maybe not and if so its time to move on.

bs,coaches only act like that because others enable them and make excuses for them. if that happened at school with GO99'S science teacher, he would be calling for a meeting with the principal, since it's sports, it's now somehow ok......

by Rightback 1/26/2013, 9:18 am

I may be missing something, but your primary obligation as a parent is to protect your child. If you feel that your child is being abused, leave. You a re not raising a soccer player, you are raising a young man. I have seen this abuse over and over and have marveled at the parents willingness to subject their children to this kind of abuse. I am not an overprotective parent, but when I can tell my son is being abused, we are gone.

Last summer I was coaching and I had an opposing player attempt to assault a 10 year old player on my bench. I had never seen anything like it. His players and parents did and said nothing. The refs? Refused to call the police. He only relented when 1. I informed him that he would get to my player over my, and more likely his, dead body, and 2. I was calling the police myself and that he would be held accountable.

My point? This guy had clearly gotten away with egregious behavior for years on end and no one had said anything. I may coach in my spare time, but in any other circles he would have been terminated on the spot. Don't put up with it, and keep your priorities straight. If the club does nothing? Leave.

by omega striker 1/26/2013, 9:21 am

go99 wrote:just go to the DOC and tranfer to another team inside the club. You also need to look at yourself 2 adults acting poorly is not a good thing and if your son wasn't embaressed then he should have been. Just because the coach is an out of control A$%hole doesn't mean you have to become one too. Sitting behind the bench recording video yelling with coaches and proclimations of hatred at your child. Your son also needs to get thicker skin and learn to stand up and handle his own situations. So what will he do next year if his highschool coach gets in his face and yells at him? Quit? Have his mom come save him and yell at the coach and tell him its all okay and nothing is his fault? Coaches shouldn't yell at kids but they do. Some have their golden boys and it sucks. Does the coach have the best interest of making your son a better player? Maybe not and if so its time to move on.

does marcio now coach for FCD ???

by Guest 1/26/2013, 9:22 am

Rightback wrote:I may be missing something, but your primary obligation as a parent is to protect your child. If you feel that your child is being abused, leave. You a re not raising a soccer player, you are raising a young man. I have seen this abuse over and over and have marveled at the parents willingness to subject their children to this kind of abuse. I am not an overprotective parent, but when I can tell my son is being abused, we are gone.

Last summer I was coaching and I had an opposing player attempt to assault a 10 year old player on my bench. I had never seen anything like it. His players and parents did and said nothing. The refs? Refused to call the police. He only relented when 1. I informed him that he would get to my player over my, and more likely his, dead body, and 2. I was calling the police myself and that he would be held accountable.

My point? This guy had clearly gotten away with egregious behavior for years on end and no one had said anything. I may coach in my spare time, but in any other circles he would have been terminated on the spot. Don't put up with it, and keep your priorities straight. If the club does nothing? Leave.

by soccerisfun 1/26/2013, 11:00 am

Let me just clarify...I wasn't recording knowing this was going to happen. I was recording something to sent to my ex husband who couldn't come to the game.

My son obviously has plenty thick skin as he didn't even flinch at this behavior...as apparently it wasn't the first time. It was just the first time I had seen.

Also...this wasn't during play...this was on the bench as he was calling his player off the field. This isn't my oldest child or only athlete...I get that coaches yell at kids but this was different. This was angry and hateful over not calling a sub loud enough. This coach clearly has anger issues and I do not want my son in his way when he comes undone.

I reacted poorly...I should have waited until after the game but when you see an adult address your child with hate and malice it is really difficult not to react. I also told my son to get his stuff and let's leave but he said no that he would wait until the end of the game. To the coaches credit he did put him back in after this. And like I said in my first post...if this is just how D1 soccer is...then we will go back to D2 with a coach who cares if my son gets decent grades and laughs on OCCASION when the boys are silly.

I have already contacted the DOC and requested a transfer so that is in the process. I agree with whoever wrote we are raising young men not soccer players. I can not allow my son to think ANYONE can treat him that way or that he could treat anyone else that way.

by humble 1/26/2013, 9:39 pm

Since it is FCD, you can also contact HR and file a complaint. If HR doesn't know, they would not act on it.

It is time for your son to switch teams. If you do not have a team in mind in the same club, you may have to wait for the next season for the switch unless you get a release.

by British steel 1/26/2013, 9:57 pm

omega striker wrote:
go99 wrote:just go to the DOC and tranfer to another team inside the club. You also need to look at yourself 2 adults acting poorly is not a good thing and if your son wasn't embaressed then he should have been. Just because the coach is an out of control A$%hole doesn't mean you have to become one too. Sitting behind the bench recording video yelling with coaches and proclimations of hatred at your child. Your son also needs to get thicker skin and learn to stand up and handle his own situations. So what will he do next year if his highschool coach gets in his face and yells at him? Quit? Have his mom come save him and yell at the coach and tell him its all okay and nothing is his fault? Coaches shouldn't yell at kids but they do. Some have their golden boys and it sucks. Does the coach have the best interest of making your son a better player? Maybe not and if so its time to move on.
does marcio now coach for FCD ???

by omega striker 1/26/2013, 10:11 pm

All I can say is theres always two sides to every story and sometimes D1 is not as forgiving as D3, when PA came about it opened up alot of spots to fill/pay Rolling Eyes

by keeperdad9 1/26/2013, 11:10 pm

Contact Figo @FcD Gold, d2, he is looking for strong players

by Guest 1/27/2013, 12:05 am

ok so lets get this straight, mom comes on the forum to rant because her son is riding the pine and then claims shes not whining? did it ever occur that maybe going from a d3 team that was relegated to ppl(solid defender right?) was just too much for him? now realistically he probably would have never even made the team if pre academy hadnt come along to scoop up players, so ok he gets on the team because the team needed to fill up the roster, are alot of you parents just totally stupid? do you read the contracts you sign? there is no guaranteed playing time the player is suppose to earn it but as we all know most dont,politics and extra cash does wonders in this instant lol looks like go99 was spot on with his remark, maybe mama should just sign him up for the chess or checkers club something easy like that would be better for him? as far as any sport that you have to compete at and yea have a coach jump his ass a litte to get results from him then yea athletics isnt in his best interest. hope this kid doesnt try to play football in hs mama is going go ballistic and sue the school district lol

@keeperdad9 what fcd gold needs is some quality strikers his defense is solid and that keeper is no slouch.

by Guest 1/27/2013, 12:07 am

worldcup2014 wrote:
omega striker wrote:
go99 wrote:just go to the DOC and tranfer to another team inside the club. You also need to look at yourself 2 adults acting poorly is not a good thing and if your son wasn't embaressed then he should have been. Just because the coach is an out of control A$%hole doesn't mean you have to become one too. Sitting behind the bench recording video yelling with coaches and proclimations of hatred at your child. Your son also needs to get thicker skin and learn to stand up and handle his own situations. So what will he do next year if his highschool coach gets in his face and yells at him? Quit? Have his mom come save him and yell at the coach and tell him its all okay and nothing is his fault? Coaches shouldn't yell at kids but they do. Some have their golden boys and it sucks. Does the coach have the best interest of making your son a better player? Maybe not and if so its time to move on.
does marcio now coach for FCD ???

who the hell is marcio anway?

by soccerisfun 1/27/2013, 12:34 am

As I said before...I have no problem with a coach jumping my kids ass in an appropriate sporting situation. That is not what was happening here. Honestly it is sad that any parent would have to justify defending their child from a coach who was emotionally badgering them.

As far as playing time goes. That was never an issue that I know of. It was how he treated my son not how often he played him. The coach flat out told us that my son was the best defender he had with the best vision of the game but he had other player who had put their time in. I totally get that...or he was blowing smoke up my ass. Either way...I never complained that he didn't play my son enough. I said he played favorites...ie some kids could not show up to practice and start the next game. Other kids were told they were gonna start but now they weren't because they missed a practice.

And yes my son is a VERY solid defender. And I am not sure if you were implying that we paid extra cash or played games to get my son more playtime...but none of that ever happened or was even thought about. Although it would explain a lot on that team for sure. And frankly if that is what it takes to get extra playing time in D1...then we will happily opt out.

I guess if we were just being used to fill a spot or for money then lesson learned. My son just enjoyed playing soccer and that has been slowly sucked away over the last season. I do thank everyone for their comments. It has been very enlightening to the soccer world. It is very different from when I was younger.

by Iplaysoccer 1/27/2013, 1:13 am

Whoa parents calm down. Here's a "From a player" view.
1.) Unless you have seen this kid play, there's no reason to assume he's not talented enough to play D1. As an example, I had only played in Division 2 at the highest until this year (My senior year). I now plan on signing to the NCAA Division 1 school I've been in talks with. How many of you D1 parents have seen Plano games? There is some true talent in ALL the leagues. Just because he moved up from D3 (or so I read) does not make him a player of any less quality. There are some players who never leave D1 since the start of club, yet really don't belong I'm the division.
2.) Why would the son be embarrassed? I had an incident like this happen to me, and it feels good to know someone's behind you and has your back, instead of just being attacked all the time.
3.) When looking for a team, try not to look at the level as much. The coach AND teammates are what really matter in the end.
4.) I didn't take this as whining at all. There are plenty of other posts that sound terrible, but this one is well put together in a state where the tone is almost neutral. Get off her back, and stop attacking people who just want help.

by Guest 1/27/2013, 8:09 am

lrobbins wrote:As I said before...I have no problem with a coach jumping my kids ass in an appropriate sporting situation. That is not what was happening here. Honestly it is sad that any parent would have to justify defending their child from a coach who was emotionally badgering them.

As far as playing time goes. That was never an issue that I know of. It was how he treated my son not how often he played him. The coach flat out told us that my son was the best defender he had with the best vision of the game but he had other player who had put their time in. I totally get that...or he was blowing smoke up my ass. Either way...I never complained that he didn't play my son enough. I said he played favorites...ie some kids could not show up to practice and start the next game. Other kids were told they were gonna start but now they weren't because they missed a practice.

And yes my son is a VERY solid defender. And I am not sure if you were implying that we paid extra cash or played games to get my son more playtime...but none of that ever happened or was even thought about. Although it would explain a lot on that team for sure. And frankly if that is what it takes to get extra playing time in D1...then we will happily opt out.

I guess if we were just being used to fill a spot or for money then lesson learned. My son just enjoyed playing soccer and that has been slowly sucked away over the last season. I do thank everyone for their comments. It has been very enlightening to the soccer world. It is very different from when I was younger.

With all due respect it sounds like ur BB is just on the bench too much and he screwed up a simple task like calling out his substitution. I mean no wonder the coach gets pissed. At this age when the players make dumb mistakes like that then the coach has a right to get in their face. Hell this is nothing compared to HS coaches rantss. You may have done ur kids a disservice by publicly castrating him. He did not ask you to interfere if I have read your complaint right.

by bigtex75081 1/27/2013, 8:53 am

Coaches need to push the players that play for them, we all know that, but there's a fine line between "pushing" and "breaking down" that shouldn't be crossed. A coach's job is not to run an unwanted player out of the sport. A challenging part of coaching is knowing where that line is for each individual player. It is different for everybody.

For those of you that insist the kid should have stood up for himself... What do you want from a 14 year-old that's getting blasted by an adult? Do you want him to ball up his fist and crank the coach in the face? Do you want him to burst into tears and run away instead? (When you're an emotionally charged teen, what other responses are there?) Consider the whole situation. This kid is still developing physically, mentally and emotionally. He's been instructed by his parents to obey this coach. This coach is supposed to be right all the time.

Let's keep things in perspective and look at this kid's real offense... He didn't yell loud enough. That's it. It isn't like he backed a car into an old woman. He didn't forget to pay the mortgage for the 2nd month in a row. He didn't get caught with a case of beer.

It’s easy to pass judgment on this forum when you weren’t there to see what happened. A hypothetical... Let's replace @lrobbins kid in this situation with your kid. How would you have reacted? Would you stand up for your child? If not, how much more would you have needed to see before you intervened? Would you wait to see what happens and knowingly risk losing your son's faith in the sport? What if your son knew you were there, close-by, and realized you didn't give him any help when he needed it? What if your BB came to the realization that you were taking the coach's side?

A hypothetical... What if this wasn't on a soccer field? If this happened somewhere else (supermarket, middle school performance, etc) and your kid was getting blasted by an adult in front of you, would you come to your kid's defense then? Does a soccer field setting make this behavior acceptable?